![]() ![]() Therefore I must be bad and unlovable," and no loving words, however well intended, can override this feeling of rejection. Being isolated and ignored is interpreted as "Nobody wants to be with me right now. 3 Concrete experience and perceptions of reality impact more strongly than language. And while parents are often careful to provide reassurances of their love and to distinguish between the child and the unruly behavior ("I love you, but you need to go to your room for five minutes because what you did is not acceptable"), their actions speak much louder than their words.Ĭhildren under the age of seven simply do not have the capability to process words in the same way that adults do. Who wants to be isolated from the group and totally ignored? It is quite likely that children view this form of isolation as abandonment and loss of love. Regrettably, this non-threatening terminology has deluded parents into thinking that the approach is harmless.įrom a child's point of view, time-out is definitely experienced as punishment. The term "time-out" itself has pleasant connotations of a sports team taking a well-deserved break. They use terms such as "consequence," "renewal time," or "down time" to make the approach sound benign. Proponents claim that time-out is not a form of punishment. Although the method seems innocent enough, it requires a past history of punitive authoritarianism to produce children docile enough to obey. In some families there may even be an unspoken threat of violence. ![]() Always there is the threat of deprivation or further penalty. How does a child learn about the consequences of disobedience? Proponents of time-out advise parents to remove all privileges such as TV, toys, music, and so forth until compliance has been achieved. ![]() Children who have not been brought up in an authoritarian environment will most likely refuse to go to another room or sit in a chair. Children trained to conform to such measures know that the consequences of disobeying are worse than adhering to the injunctions. 2īeneath the surface, time-out is an authoritarian approach and, as such, can work only among children trained to comply with the power and authority of adults. In fact, the National Association for the Education of Young Children includes the use of time-out in a list of harmful disciplinary measures, along with physical punishment, criticizing, blaming, and shaming. According to many educators and psychologists, however, time-out is not as innocent as it seems and is, moreover, an emotionally harmful way to discipline children. It is therefore thought to represent some degree of progress in our continual striving to make this world a better place for children. Using time-out appears less injurious than hitting, spanking, or yelling, because it does not involve physical or verbal abuse. 1 Even so, while spanking is on the wane in the United States, the withholding of love and attention has persisted as an acceptable means of control. Skinner himself believed that all forms of punishment were unsuitable means of controlling children's behavior. His theory of operant conditioning asserts that children will behave in certain ways if they receive rewards for doing so ("positive reinforcement"), and that undesirable behavior can be diminished by withholding the rewards or by invoking pain (both of which are termed "punishment"). Time-out stems from the behaviorist movement based on the work of psychologist B.F. In either case, parents who use this method are promised quick and easy results. Some books recommend an added rule of silence, and suggest that the timing be repeated if the silence is broken. After a period of time, they are allowed to come back to the group or join the family, provided that they act "appropriately." The designated period of time is usually one minute per year of age, and children who leave the chair or room before their time is up are told to return for the full allotment once again. Misbehaving children are told to sit quietly on a chair or go to their rooms to calm down and think about what they did. Revised and updated in 2000.Ĭlick here for a four-page printable version for free distribution to parents.Īs concerned parents and educators have become aware of the dangers of physical punishment, time-out has emerged as a popular disciplinary tool. Originally published in Mothering Magazine, Fall 1992. ![]()
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